In Illness and Health

Another week has rolled by. Everything started off ok when I went for my little dose of Herceptin. Bright and cheerful. Then my bloodwork came back and the numbers had plummeted. The nurses were all still bright and cheerful, but I was devastated. How could it be??? Immediately, I felt terrible and for days could not get myself out of the slump of these low numbers. Did that explain the terrible tiredness of the week before?? Compounded with the fact that my friend, S, who had one dose of chemo, landed up in hospital with pneumonia because her numbers dropped so low. I ate so much meat that I gained 10 pounds and by Wednesday, started to feel chirpier. By Thursday, I forgot about the whole thing except the excess weight, which is still climbing. I have decided that I should apply for a job as a chubby little alien from outer space in a movie. I hardly look human any more.

Since I felt a lot better by the end of the week, I ran around a lot. Had tons of fun as my work involves shopping for antiques. Now, I have loads of stuff waiting to be done on my desk. No rest for the wicked.

Children have come home to roost. I guess roost is not what they do, but that's the saying. It's amazing that no matter how bad a patch your relationship with them currently is going through, there is a feeling of deep satisfaction in knowing that they are all home. Despite myself, a feeling of wholeness, quite uninvited, pervades.

It's difficult to remember, hardly a week ago, that feeling of deep exhaustion in every cell of one's body. When you feel good, you feel good and can't conceive of the other. It's difficult to even think of oneself as being 'sick' - you don't feel sick and the only thing to remind you, is when you look in the mirror. Or, try to get into any of your clothes that will not come close to closing around that enormous belly.
With that in mind, I am going to try to go for a teeny run, or at least a walk. Chow.