I've been toying with writing about some of the more serious aspects of living with cancer, but so far, the overwhelming atmosphere at home is light-hearted. I'm consciously avoiding many topics, some of which I have considered, but the opportunity has yet to arise for putting down thoughts in a coherent manner. No doubt, they will eventualise.
So, our lives rush past and so far, touch wood, we have had no cause to divert from our party path. Until yesterday.
Between taking JH to the vet (he had his first flea) and my new, long-suffering book-keeper, planning a good supper - Guy might come home (he didn't), Friday being cleaning day, it was quite hectic here. The ringing 'phone sounded as it normally does, and gave no cause for concern.
A mushy brain still didn't register when the voice on the other side was a nurse from my oncologist's office. Not to take certain pills because of..... 'problem with the liver'. My liver yet again! I've been avoiding that topic. Reuven, grimly assumes cancer spread to that place. I'm in a terrified panic. Eventually, between us, we managed to concoct the idea of 'phoning the doctor's office and asking for an explanation. This shows how far terror had overtaken normal thinking. My brain is total mush and I force myself to make supper - just try to keep busy doing something practical instead of going to bed and curling up in a very tight little ball. Reuven drives to the doctor, who has still not returned our call and gets the news that 'no, it's not cancer', it's the liver function and it might improve soon and there is alternative medication. Of course, everyone else would know that, but everyone else doesn't have the knee-jerk reaction to potential bad news from an oncologist.
This goes to show our pathetic capacity for withstanding a surprise onslaught from an unexpected direction. We know it's a marathon and not a battle, but when there's a new tangent, how utterly unable we were to deal with it. Even after straightening out the facts, I was left exhausted and shaky and just grateful that I had finished cooking, so that now, I could really get into bed and have a nap, with JH curled up in his new haircut on my legs.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
there are people who live like this
Today, Anat joined Reuven and me at chemotherapy, which ended quite early in the morning. We had considered going for lunch, but with the view that we eat to much to begin with, decided to depart from this routine activity.
Instead, we took a drive up to Delray Beach. Past the fantabulous houses on the A1A: people who live in real mansions, with their own stretch of beach and marvellously imaginative gardens that cost the equivalent of most countrys' GPA (or is it GAP?) to maintain. The gods of parking were out in force in our favour and we found a parking spot in prime location. Right next to the path to the beach and opposite the coffee shops on the other side of the road.
The day was magnificent. Golden sunshine, the water clear and fresh, with all the shades of blue and turquoise towards the horizon. While my two landlubber companions stood in their shoes near water's edge, I immediately offed my sandals, rolled up my trousers and went in up to my knees. Absolute bliss.
Fresh and perfect. The view of the sea in it's shades and tones with lightest waves. Every now and then the smell of suntan oil - something very particular and delightful, wafting over. The sounds of people having fun. For me, paradise on earth is a great beach.
Behind us, the sand was crowded with people of all ages and nationalities. It's always a mystery to us that so many people are not working. It's always a promise we make to ourselves to go back to the beach and enjoy the same, more often. Somehow, we never do, and the years roll past.
I'm not supposed to be in the sun at all, but I had a great big hat from Anat and we indulged in a little walk along the waters' edge. Followed by a drink in the coffee shop opposite, by when, I was quite exhausted and ready to go home and have a nap.
I will add the 'photos when I persuade Reuven to put them on my computer.
Instead, we took a drive up to Delray Beach. Past the fantabulous houses on the A1A: people who live in real mansions, with their own stretch of beach and marvellously imaginative gardens that cost the equivalent of most countrys' GPA (or is it GAP?) to maintain. The gods of parking were out in force in our favour and we found a parking spot in prime location. Right next to the path to the beach and opposite the coffee shops on the other side of the road.
The day was magnificent. Golden sunshine, the water clear and fresh, with all the shades of blue and turquoise towards the horizon. While my two landlubber companions stood in their shoes near water's edge, I immediately offed my sandals, rolled up my trousers and went in up to my knees. Absolute bliss.
Fresh and perfect. The view of the sea in it's shades and tones with lightest waves. Every now and then the smell of suntan oil - something very particular and delightful, wafting over. The sounds of people having fun. For me, paradise on earth is a great beach.
Behind us, the sand was crowded with people of all ages and nationalities. It's always a mystery to us that so many people are not working. It's always a promise we make to ourselves to go back to the beach and enjoy the same, more often. Somehow, we never do, and the years roll past.
I'm not supposed to be in the sun at all, but I had a great big hat from Anat and we indulged in a little walk along the waters' edge. Followed by a drink in the coffee shop opposite, by when, I was quite exhausted and ready to go home and have a nap.
I will add the 'photos when I persuade Reuven to put them on my computer.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
OMG
Every now and then one is confronted with an OMG moment. Totally unexpected, utterly wonderful.
Early yesterday morning (Friday, 23rd), I took myself off for a very little run. As I hit the driveway, the new day hit me. I litterally felt OMG go through me, mind and body. Utterly fresh air, the softest light of the new day, well before the sun starts to rise and quiet. No sirens, no traffic, no voices, no blaring tv/music/anything else. Even JH was asleep on my bed and not around with his joyous tail and pull on the lead.
The run itself was very short. I barely made a mile plus some of the way back. We get unfit all too quickly. No matter what the physical shortcomings, the day began ultra well, thanks to something that is there for everyone to enjoy, every single day, but that we choose to miss.
Early yesterday morning (Friday, 23rd), I took myself off for a very little run. As I hit the driveway, the new day hit me. I litterally felt OMG go through me, mind and body. Utterly fresh air, the softest light of the new day, well before the sun starts to rise and quiet. No sirens, no traffic, no voices, no blaring tv/music/anything else. Even JH was asleep on my bed and not around with his joyous tail and pull on the lead.
The run itself was very short. I barely made a mile plus some of the way back. We get unfit all too quickly. No matter what the physical shortcomings, the day began ultra well, thanks to something that is there for everyone to enjoy, every single day, but that we choose to miss.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
the straw on the scale
Like lots of other situations, cancer is highly individual. Every case is unique, so I have never understood why people would compare one to another, repeat anecdotes about other cases etc. They are not relevant to any particular patient.
In my case, I know that I have a super-aggressive kind, and that I'm stage IV. That means that things could go either way and while the support and prayers and kindness of so many people have kept me buoyed up and confident, I am aware that the scale could tip the other way.
Yesterday, I went to see Dr D. As we pulled into a waiting parking spot, I told Reuven that I have no idea why we had the appointment. How far off could I be? The tumour that is an indication of what's going on with the rest of the squatter clan (see an earlier blog post), has shrunk significantly. Even more shocking was the news that contrary to our total understanding of the situation, I do not need to have a mastectomy at all. Surgery to remove the lymph glands and affected area in the breast, yes, but 'there is absolutely no medical advantage to a mastectomy'.
This was shocking in the good sense. Dr D was beaming and almost bouncing up and down and I know that I was fighting off tears. Not that my boobs are anything to write home about, but I did not relish having two horrid silicone lumps to shlep around like reverse humpbacks.
I don't think anything is over until it's over, but I wanted to share the good news with all.
In my case, I know that I have a super-aggressive kind, and that I'm stage IV. That means that things could go either way and while the support and prayers and kindness of so many people have kept me buoyed up and confident, I am aware that the scale could tip the other way.
Yesterday, I went to see Dr D. As we pulled into a waiting parking spot, I told Reuven that I have no idea why we had the appointment. How far off could I be? The tumour that is an indication of what's going on with the rest of the squatter clan (see an earlier blog post), has shrunk significantly. Even more shocking was the news that contrary to our total understanding of the situation, I do not need to have a mastectomy at all. Surgery to remove the lymph glands and affected area in the breast, yes, but 'there is absolutely no medical advantage to a mastectomy'.
This was shocking in the good sense. Dr D was beaming and almost bouncing up and down and I know that I was fighting off tears. Not that my boobs are anything to write home about, but I did not relish having two horrid silicone lumps to shlep around like reverse humpbacks.
I don't think anything is over until it's over, but I wanted to share the good news with all.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A spooky Tale
There are things in life that are beyone one's controle. Perhaps they are destiny, perhaps we simply lack the courage to confront them.
People who have had the terriying experience of being attacked, often admit that they sensed something was wrong. Should they have / could they have, gotten out of the way?
Yesterday, I had a weird experience while doing my little stint at chemo.
There I sat, lolling in a chair, when I saw a large-ish, older-ish man come towards me. Now, chemo means that you are in a deep recliner, and a lot of parephenalia is hooked up physically to your body. Wires, test-tubes, big machines. Strange premonitions took over my inner psyche. All around me, other patients and nurses were carrying on as normal. I was frozen. Unable to respond to the inappropriateness of my thoughts.
And then, sure enough, this chap pulls up a stool and sits not 2 feet away from my face. Looks straight at me. I was clearly his target.
In a voice like normal, he asked " what are you wearing on your head?". I was shocked. Remember, I am in a room devoted to chemotherapy. Everyone who gets there knows that. And why ask me?
Unable to protest or evade, I answered, like a lamb to the slaughter: "a scarf". Talk about stating the obvious!!
His immediate response was "why?". Even crazier......
Even crazier was that like an even smaller, weaker lamb, I replied "because I have no hair".
At that point, a woman sitting diagnally opposite me startied frienziedly jumping at the gentleman "here, here....". And slowly, he turned around saw her, got up and went over to his wife.
What really frightens me is the idea that she had sent this chap off for a little drive while she napped in the chem chair. Was he blind or was he demented? I will never know.
People who have had the terriying experience of being attacked, often admit that they sensed something was wrong. Should they have / could they have, gotten out of the way?
Yesterday, I had a weird experience while doing my little stint at chemo.
There I sat, lolling in a chair, when I saw a large-ish, older-ish man come towards me. Now, chemo means that you are in a deep recliner, and a lot of parephenalia is hooked up physically to your body. Wires, test-tubes, big machines. Strange premonitions took over my inner psyche. All around me, other patients and nurses were carrying on as normal. I was frozen. Unable to respond to the inappropriateness of my thoughts.
And then, sure enough, this chap pulls up a stool and sits not 2 feet away from my face. Looks straight at me. I was clearly his target.
In a voice like normal, he asked " what are you wearing on your head?". I was shocked. Remember, I am in a room devoted to chemotherapy. Everyone who gets there knows that. And why ask me?
Unable to protest or evade, I answered, like a lamb to the slaughter: "a scarf". Talk about stating the obvious!!
His immediate response was "why?". Even crazier......
Even crazier was that like an even smaller, weaker lamb, I replied "because I have no hair".
At that point, a woman sitting diagnally opposite me startied frienziedly jumping at the gentleman "here, here....". And slowly, he turned around saw her, got up and went over to his wife.
What really frightens me is the idea that she had sent this chap off for a little drive while she napped in the chem chair. Was he blind or was he demented? I will never know.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Hair
Have I already written about hair?
Open any magazine, or switch on your tv and gorgeous women with cascading sheets of shiny hair encourage you to have the same. We all know that it's a lot of garbage - your hair is your hair and work as you may at it, spend as you wish on it, it's not going to change a great deal.
So what's the real issue?
For me, right now, not having any hair to speak of (and yes, bits and pieces do remain - to date at least).
When I'm confronted with one of these in-your-face advertisements, I wonder if the sponsors realise who is actually watching or looking or reading.
I thought Elle / Vogue / another of the great women's magazines could do a lot for a lot of ladies out there by having a large article, updated periodically, on alternatives for woman without hair at all.
I know that the topic of 'black hair' has been discussed quite a lot of late. This is taking reality one step further.
I know that the big magazines pay a huge lip-service to the topic of breast cancer. Which of them hasn't got at least one pink ribbon somewhere on it's pages? So, put your money where your mouth is, stop pandering to the anorexic young and think about real ladies.
I was always entranced with the idea of shaving off all of my hair. I was enamoured with the idea of wearing a scarf over my head. I never had the guts for the former and the latter had certain connotations, which I thought better to avoid. Now, I have no choice.
Here is option #1: walk around sans locks with scalp showing in it's entirety. Strangely, considering my previous convictions, I am reluctant to make anyone else uncomfortable with looking at me. Yes, at home, I do walk around bald. Breathe skin, breathe.... But as soon as anyone comes over, I cover the evidence.
#2 the easiest cover-up is a lovely soft cap, gifted to me by Aunty L, who had cancer a while back (and is very well now). There is lots of space for head to breathe, they are loose, soft and yet cover it all. Somehow, they are a little like a housecoat: no matter how well they do the job, you wouldn't go to the mall in one. Well, you could, but you are not likely to do that.
#3 lots of other caps. I noticed ladies wearing baseball type caps at the chemotherapy recently. The gaps at the back clearly show the bald head. The visor is a plus in the Florida sunshine. I think it looks uncomfortable and not my style. Personal choice. I'm sure there are people wearing lots of other caps, but I have not seen any in my little forays into the outside world.
#4 scarves. This category can be divided into regular and bandana.
It's actually very difficult to find regular sized scarves. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that most of what you find today is the shawl type and too long and narrow to be useful for us baldies.
Bandanas are great, if a teeny bit too small. One more inch on either side and they would be perfect. They don't have the long tail of a regular scarf, when tied around the head. That tail tags and pulls when you put on a cardigan, gets caught in everything and I'm paranoid it will fall into the toilette.
A magazine could do an entire article on various styles of tieing scarves, but most of us find one style and stick to it.
#5 wigs. Where does one begin? I think that will need a whole article and I don't feel up to writing it right now. No - not feeling sick, just bored and restless and want to go off and 'face the day'.
So, wigs will have to wait.
Open any magazine, or switch on your tv and gorgeous women with cascading sheets of shiny hair encourage you to have the same. We all know that it's a lot of garbage - your hair is your hair and work as you may at it, spend as you wish on it, it's not going to change a great deal.
So what's the real issue?
For me, right now, not having any hair to speak of (and yes, bits and pieces do remain - to date at least).
When I'm confronted with one of these in-your-face advertisements, I wonder if the sponsors realise who is actually watching or looking or reading.
I thought Elle / Vogue / another of the great women's magazines could do a lot for a lot of ladies out there by having a large article, updated periodically, on alternatives for woman without hair at all.
I know that the topic of 'black hair' has been discussed quite a lot of late. This is taking reality one step further.
I know that the big magazines pay a huge lip-service to the topic of breast cancer. Which of them hasn't got at least one pink ribbon somewhere on it's pages? So, put your money where your mouth is, stop pandering to the anorexic young and think about real ladies.
I was always entranced with the idea of shaving off all of my hair. I was enamoured with the idea of wearing a scarf over my head. I never had the guts for the former and the latter had certain connotations, which I thought better to avoid. Now, I have no choice.
Here is option #1: walk around sans locks with scalp showing in it's entirety. Strangely, considering my previous convictions, I am reluctant to make anyone else uncomfortable with looking at me. Yes, at home, I do walk around bald. Breathe skin, breathe.... But as soon as anyone comes over, I cover the evidence.
#2 the easiest cover-up is a lovely soft cap, gifted to me by Aunty L, who had cancer a while back (and is very well now). There is lots of space for head to breathe, they are loose, soft and yet cover it all. Somehow, they are a little like a housecoat: no matter how well they do the job, you wouldn't go to the mall in one. Well, you could, but you are not likely to do that.
#3 lots of other caps. I noticed ladies wearing baseball type caps at the chemotherapy recently. The gaps at the back clearly show the bald head. The visor is a plus in the Florida sunshine. I think it looks uncomfortable and not my style. Personal choice. I'm sure there are people wearing lots of other caps, but I have not seen any in my little forays into the outside world.
#4 scarves. This category can be divided into regular and bandana.
It's actually very difficult to find regular sized scarves. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that most of what you find today is the shawl type and too long and narrow to be useful for us baldies.
Bandanas are great, if a teeny bit too small. One more inch on either side and they would be perfect. They don't have the long tail of a regular scarf, when tied around the head. That tail tags and pulls when you put on a cardigan, gets caught in everything and I'm paranoid it will fall into the toilette.
A magazine could do an entire article on various styles of tieing scarves, but most of us find one style and stick to it.
#5 wigs. Where does one begin? I think that will need a whole article and I don't feel up to writing it right now. No - not feeling sick, just bored and restless and want to go off and 'face the day'.
So, wigs will have to wait.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Lazy days
I wonder why some people wake up full of energy to rock and roll at 4am, while others are like logs until noon. Teenagers definately fall into the latter category, but what about the rest of us? Are these traits set in stone, or do they change along with altering circumstances? All these questions because today, for the first time I can remember, I opened my eyes and saw a number past 8am on the clock. I simply don't know what to make of it.
There have been two interesting pieces of 'news', which are not at all news to most other people:
Firstly, I heard a spot on tv yesterday in which they exhalted a charity that takes ladies with breast cancer on yaght day trips. It's nice that people make that kind of gesture, but who are they, who are they associated with and why would someone dealing with chemo want to be on a rocking boat in the sun (sunshine definately banned according to my doctor)? The whole thing makes me nauseous at the same time as full of admiration for people who engage in good deeds.
And yet another phenomenon cropped up in my consciousness today. We were out and about for a change and the sales assistant in the shop wore a badge that insinuated "cooking for a cure". Most curious... I was told that there is a group who cook charitably in aid of breast cancer. Golly!! Can I get in on that? I would definately cook / walk / try to help out, not to mention enjoy it to boot.
Adam has earrache and virus symptoms, so he has been banned from coming home until he is well. What terrible parents! Actually, I look forward to seeing my children and wish I could live a little more vicariously through them. They are way more interesting than I am. Lee is running around in Manhattan, doing all kinds of admirable things. Guy.. well, he is possibly most motivated of all. I wish he knew that his personality and character are so impressive. Ok, that was my boast for the day. My children put me in my place and keep me there without mercy.
That neulastin has made my bones a bit rubbery. I need to get busy so as to forget all of the minor symptoms. It's a total waste of time and energy considering them at all. I hope to be back on track by the end of next week. Enough kafoofaling!
There have been two interesting pieces of 'news', which are not at all news to most other people:
Firstly, I heard a spot on tv yesterday in which they exhalted a charity that takes ladies with breast cancer on yaght day trips. It's nice that people make that kind of gesture, but who are they, who are they associated with and why would someone dealing with chemo want to be on a rocking boat in the sun (sunshine definately banned according to my doctor)? The whole thing makes me nauseous at the same time as full of admiration for people who engage in good deeds.
And yet another phenomenon cropped up in my consciousness today. We were out and about for a change and the sales assistant in the shop wore a badge that insinuated "cooking for a cure". Most curious... I was told that there is a group who cook charitably in aid of breast cancer. Golly!! Can I get in on that? I would definately cook / walk / try to help out, not to mention enjoy it to boot.
Adam has earrache and virus symptoms, so he has been banned from coming home until he is well. What terrible parents! Actually, I look forward to seeing my children and wish I could live a little more vicariously through them. They are way more interesting than I am. Lee is running around in Manhattan, doing all kinds of admirable things. Guy.. well, he is possibly most motivated of all. I wish he knew that his personality and character are so impressive. Ok, that was my boast for the day. My children put me in my place and keep me there without mercy.
That neulastin has made my bones a bit rubbery. I need to get busy so as to forget all of the minor symptoms. It's a total waste of time and energy considering them at all. I hope to be back on track by the end of next week. Enough kafoofaling!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thursday morning: supposedly a 'not good day', but it has, thank G-d, started off very well. I am so grateful after the left leg beginning of the week. It should have been good - I got tons of drugs, but the result was to leave me so confused that I have a black hole in my memory for what happened that day. Not only is that in itself frightening, but it left me confused for the next few days.
None of it was alleviated by the fact that our beloved kitty, Madame Minny, had to be finally put down. It was long overdue - 24 years old, in absolute misery, but the pain and loss is there and sure enough, I dreamt about her very clearly last night. Minny, please forgive me, but I hope that I can go as peacefully as you did (when my time comes).
I did manage to go for a small run on Tuesday, I did manage to get out and about during the week up until today and below, is a 'photo of Dad, Reena and I at Reuven's favourate bagel place.
Reena has started warming up to my kitchen, which is a great pleasure. There are home-made rusks for breakfast. Dare I??? She is an excellent cook. Makes a mean curry, which I love.
Does everyone see a theme screaming out here? A lot of food is being discussed.
Got up early to bid on some jewellery in the UK. Have to miss the Pier show in NY this weekend. As it happens, Lee is flying up to NY today and I am SOOOO jealous. Would love to be there too.
Maybe Chicago in a couple of months time. Reuven brought me a heavy-duty mask which I could wear on a 'plane. But getting through security with a mask and then all of my internal parephenalia...... ports and markers and all that??? Should be very interesting.
None of it was alleviated by the fact that our beloved kitty, Madame Minny, had to be finally put down. It was long overdue - 24 years old, in absolute misery, but the pain and loss is there and sure enough, I dreamt about her very clearly last night. Minny, please forgive me, but I hope that I can go as peacefully as you did (when my time comes).
I did manage to go for a small run on Tuesday, I did manage to get out and about during the week up until today and below, is a 'photo of Dad, Reena and I at Reuven's favourate bagel place.
Reena has started warming up to my kitchen, which is a great pleasure. There are home-made rusks for breakfast. Dare I??? She is an excellent cook. Makes a mean curry, which I love.
Does everyone see a theme screaming out here? A lot of food is being discussed.
Got up early to bid on some jewellery in the UK. Have to miss the Pier show in NY this weekend. As it happens, Lee is flying up to NY today and I am SOOOO jealous. Would love to be there too.
Maybe Chicago in a couple of months time. Reuven brought me a heavy-duty mask which I could wear on a 'plane. But getting through security with a mask and then all of my internal parephenalia...... ports and markers and all that??? Should be very interesting.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
March 13th
Most peculiar session at chemotherapy yesterday. I got thoroughly knocked out, was awoken to be told that it was all over - about 2 or more hours quicker than previous experiences. Was too groggy to understand the doctor, nor able to ask relevant questions. So, today, will have to do some clarifying when I get there for my neulastin shot. Came home sort of shaky, but feel absolutely fine this morning. Yay.
Considering going for a walk with JH once it gets light. (up at 4am).
Did I tell about the Purim Party on Saturday night? It was a total hoot.
Everyone took a lot of pains to get into marvellous fancy dress and some of them wrote long sketches and poems. Everyone brought a dish, so the food was fab-mainly vegetarian, but some fish. While there were far too many deserts, the highlight for me was a tray of persimmons that Zevik M brought. It turned out they were actually from Israel. No surprise, the persimmons in this country are vile. Does this interest anyone? I doubt it. Anyway, I guzzled as many as I could take without showing utter immodesty. The taste lingers and begs for more. However, Zevik told me that these were the last ones of the batch. How sad.
Reuven and I won 4th prize, a pair of wooly leggins, for our Sara/Itsak sketch. It's the first time I ever won anything in my life, so don't laugh. Furthermore, prizes 1-3 were all increasingly pornographic fishnet underwear, so we actually lucked out.
Everyone was very happy and the party was a great success. Not common these days. Well done to all the people who put so much effort into it.
On Sunday night, we attended a lecture by a Rabbi who is involved in actively trying to assist Palestinians / other human rights issues between Israel and the Palestinians. Needless to say, there was a lot of hostility from part of the audience. I feel he is so right, but it is like spitting in the wind - a tiny voice in a huge ocean of hatred. Since this blog isn't about politics (or parties), I won't yap more about the subject, but anyone can email me personally if they are interested in the topic.
With my sister here, we had a skype session via Lee's computer with Mark, my brother-in-law and Sonia and some of her menagerie. Here is a link with my brother-in-law, who is a specialist in Aids in children and just gave a very important talk in Seattle:
Considering going for a walk with JH once it gets light. (up at 4am).
Did I tell about the Purim Party on Saturday night? It was a total hoot.
Everyone took a lot of pains to get into marvellous fancy dress and some of them wrote long sketches and poems. Everyone brought a dish, so the food was fab-mainly vegetarian, but some fish. While there were far too many deserts, the highlight for me was a tray of persimmons that Zevik M brought. It turned out they were actually from Israel. No surprise, the persimmons in this country are vile. Does this interest anyone? I doubt it. Anyway, I guzzled as many as I could take without showing utter immodesty. The taste lingers and begs for more. However, Zevik told me that these were the last ones of the batch. How sad.
Reuven and I won 4th prize, a pair of wooly leggins, for our Sara/Itsak sketch. It's the first time I ever won anything in my life, so don't laugh. Furthermore, prizes 1-3 were all increasingly pornographic fishnet underwear, so we actually lucked out.
Everyone was very happy and the party was a great success. Not common these days. Well done to all the people who put so much effort into it.
On Sunday night, we attended a lecture by a Rabbi who is involved in actively trying to assist Palestinians / other human rights issues between Israel and the Palestinians. Needless to say, there was a lot of hostility from part of the audience. I feel he is so right, but it is like spitting in the wind - a tiny voice in a huge ocean of hatred. Since this blog isn't about politics (or parties), I won't yap more about the subject, but anyone can email me personally if they are interested in the topic.
With my sister here, we had a skype session via Lee's computer with Mark, my brother-in-law and Sonia and some of her menagerie. Here is a link with my brother-in-law, who is a specialist in Aids in children and just gave a very important talk in Seattle:
It's wonderful having family and friends staying in the house.
I have some pictures that I will have to get up to my computer from the 'phones and then to the blog.
Still not technically uptoscratch, but getting there with some help from Reuven.
You will all be shocked to know that my weight is now well over the amount I started off with. Not good at all. My tummy runneth over (my pants that is). I'm starting to look like an alien being from a horror movie.
Going for some tea and then JH and I are off. Have a great day all.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
March 8th
As usual, I am way the first person up and about in this house. I might get up at 4am and I might lie in bed until 5. but, I am usually up before the rest of the family. Even JH continues snoring until the sun is well and truly doing it's business.
This is the secret of getting a whole lot done. Those early morning hours are way the most productive of the day. Problem sometimes, is what do you do with the rest of the day? If you lie around reading a book, it feels as though you are lazy and the guilt starts dancing in your mind. But that is not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to tell about why this day was so exciting:
As said, got up a little after 5am. Had a cup of tea and stressed over a bitch-from-hell customer. Put on my running shoes for the first time since January 19th - a date I will not forget. JH went mad with excitement when he saw that. He pounded with his feet on the carpet and danced a crazy jig around my face, making it difficult to tie the laces. Hinted to a sleeping husband that I was going out and to come look for me if I didn't come back. Biggest dilemma, which colour bandana to wear (6 for $5.- at the fleamarket) and chose the brightest yellow. Forget to tell JH to 'sit' as I put on his lead, by when he was beyond happiness.
Opened the front door: rain. We didn't hesitate. Off the two of us went for our first 'run' in a very long time. Totally unfit, I made it to the corner of Cherry Hills before I started panting and puffing. Out of sheer embarrassment at my poor physical fitness, I managed to get as far as the corner of Canoe Brook. So, we made it 1/2 mile. I told myself we'll do better 'next time', whenever that will be, if at all. Part walked and part ran home. Soaked to the skin, I hurriedly threw off my clothes - a good opportunity to do the laundry and put on dry ones. Suddenly, it's after 8am. The rest of the house is still sleeping. I feel good.
This is the secret of getting a whole lot done. Those early morning hours are way the most productive of the day. Problem sometimes, is what do you do with the rest of the day? If you lie around reading a book, it feels as though you are lazy and the guilt starts dancing in your mind. But that is not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to tell about why this day was so exciting:
As said, got up a little after 5am. Had a cup of tea and stressed over a bitch-from-hell customer. Put on my running shoes for the first time since January 19th - a date I will not forget. JH went mad with excitement when he saw that. He pounded with his feet on the carpet and danced a crazy jig around my face, making it difficult to tie the laces. Hinted to a sleeping husband that I was going out and to come look for me if I didn't come back. Biggest dilemma, which colour bandana to wear (6 for $5.- at the fleamarket) and chose the brightest yellow. Forget to tell JH to 'sit' as I put on his lead, by when he was beyond happiness.
Opened the front door: rain. We didn't hesitate. Off the two of us went for our first 'run' in a very long time. Totally unfit, I made it to the corner of Cherry Hills before I started panting and puffing. Out of sheer embarrassment at my poor physical fitness, I managed to get as far as the corner of Canoe Brook. So, we made it 1/2 mile. I told myself we'll do better 'next time', whenever that will be, if at all. Part walked and part ran home. Soaked to the skin, I hurriedly threw off my clothes - a good opportunity to do the laundry and put on dry ones. Suddenly, it's after 8am. The rest of the house is still sleeping. I feel good.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
As you can see, I still haven't quite got the hang of putting in more than one 'photo. Sorry, but to read the blurb that preambles, as well as see the most interesting of all the pictures - and you should recognise the most spiritual of the Buddha's disciples, you will have to hit the 'older entry' button.
Now, do you all see what an amazing teacher Val is?? Namaste!!!
Now, do you all see what an amazing teacher Val is?? Namaste!!!
just routine
Is it a good thing that I'm getting into a sort of routine? We are creatures of habit and it's very difficult for us to break what comes automatically. How do you insert 20 minutes of yoga into your day? 5 minutes twice a day of meditation? It sounds so easy, but it's like not eating too much. Mt Everest in it's actual challenge.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I actually cooked a whole meal. There was salmon as the main part, a fabulous curried veggy which they ate with 'lang tande' (seriously lacking enthusiasm) and squashy and butter. Mmmm - I love it. Noone else touched it.
Jimmy has been shedding huge tufts of soft hair. What's going on? Reena will be here on Friday, but maybe I shouldn't wait that long to take him to the vet. I'd like her to go with me and to hear her opinion. Also, it's always good for them to know that another professional is watching what they do.
Reuven managed to download his 'phone 'photos to my computer. I'm going to try to add some of them to my blog. Here goes:
Yesterday, Tuesday, I actually cooked a whole meal. There was salmon as the main part, a fabulous curried veggy which they ate with 'lang tande' (seriously lacking enthusiasm) and squashy and butter. Mmmm - I love it. Noone else touched it.
Jimmy has been shedding huge tufts of soft hair. What's going on? Reena will be here on Friday, but maybe I shouldn't wait that long to take him to the vet. I'd like her to go with me and to hear her opinion. Also, it's always good for them to know that another professional is watching what they do.
Reuven managed to download his 'phone 'photos to my computer. I'm going to try to add some of them to my blog. Here goes:
Monday, March 5, 2012
better and better; fatter and fatter
I'm delighted to tell everyone that I feel very good. As we say in Silva, 'better and better'. Besides self-indulgent naps some afternoons, I am able to function as normal. Went so far as to drive to Palm Beach and back on Friday, on my own. First drive in ages.
My appetite is also better and better. Normally monstrous, I am getting fatter and fatter. My excuse to date was that I was trying to get my blood count numbers up. Today, I heard very sad news. What I eat has nothing to do with the blood numbers, which by the way, are ok, considering the treatment. No more excuses for what I eat. Not only that, but Dr. B said in plain English that I should watch it, as it will be difficult to get rid of when I come off the chemo. The bright side is that coming off chemo is part of our lexicon. One does look for clues in the doctors' verbiage.
So, my head spinning with dietary advice - not what I expected or wanted to hear, we went off to Costco to fill up on more things that are increasingly unnecessary. Totally starving by then, there was no way I was leaving without at least a hotdog. Reuven, who had planned a good lunch at a local restaurant, caved, so Guy, RR and I ate mustard and ketchup laden rolls with the usual Costco sausage inbetween. Why does it taste so much better there than anything I could make at home? Am I hungrier at Costco? I was not happy. Those ice creams - enormous on a stick, dipped first in boiling chocolate and then rolled in nuts!! Can't get up without.... So, in an effort to compromise, we shared one of them between the 3 of us. Actually, they are so big, that to my surprise, we got our fill with 1/3 of an icecream each. Mmmmm!
I got home and soon after an enormous parcel was delivered to my front door. Covered in Scottish stamps. Huge. I would have been happy to sit and look at it for a few days, just relishing the sheer size of it all. However, I knew that there are people in my house who have no problem opening other people's mail, and I wasn't taking that chance. Full of the most wonderful Scottish delights. I can now have a marvellous Scottish heather scented candle burn while I bath with gorgeous melty soaps, then get into my Scottish p.js, with my tartan hot water bottle (if you don't know the joys of a hotty, you have never been comforted while feeling ill) and a cup of good Scots tea. Scottish teddy will be joining me in bed. And that is only the start of it all. When I get up in the morning, I will make my porridge with a special stick - simple but brilliant. Reuven, you are so lucky to have me make your porridge. Remember, it's ready when the stick stands up straight in the pot. I could go on, but this is making me hungry and I haven't yet eaten my 7th meal of the day.
I have sent a job description to a friend at FAU and he is going to distribute it amongst a few faculties. Will I actually go through with this and have someone working for me? I'm not working for me these days. It is too much to think about.
My appetite is also better and better. Normally monstrous, I am getting fatter and fatter. My excuse to date was that I was trying to get my blood count numbers up. Today, I heard very sad news. What I eat has nothing to do with the blood numbers, which by the way, are ok, considering the treatment. No more excuses for what I eat. Not only that, but Dr. B said in plain English that I should watch it, as it will be difficult to get rid of when I come off the chemo. The bright side is that coming off chemo is part of our lexicon. One does look for clues in the doctors' verbiage.
So, my head spinning with dietary advice - not what I expected or wanted to hear, we went off to Costco to fill up on more things that are increasingly unnecessary. Totally starving by then, there was no way I was leaving without at least a hotdog. Reuven, who had planned a good lunch at a local restaurant, caved, so Guy, RR and I ate mustard and ketchup laden rolls with the usual Costco sausage inbetween. Why does it taste so much better there than anything I could make at home? Am I hungrier at Costco? I was not happy. Those ice creams - enormous on a stick, dipped first in boiling chocolate and then rolled in nuts!! Can't get up without.... So, in an effort to compromise, we shared one of them between the 3 of us. Actually, they are so big, that to my surprise, we got our fill with 1/3 of an icecream each. Mmmmm!
I got home and soon after an enormous parcel was delivered to my front door. Covered in Scottish stamps. Huge. I would have been happy to sit and look at it for a few days, just relishing the sheer size of it all. However, I knew that there are people in my house who have no problem opening other people's mail, and I wasn't taking that chance. Full of the most wonderful Scottish delights. I can now have a marvellous Scottish heather scented candle burn while I bath with gorgeous melty soaps, then get into my Scottish p.js, with my tartan hot water bottle (if you don't know the joys of a hotty, you have never been comforted while feeling ill) and a cup of good Scots tea. Scottish teddy will be joining me in bed. And that is only the start of it all. When I get up in the morning, I will make my porridge with a special stick - simple but brilliant. Reuven, you are so lucky to have me make your porridge. Remember, it's ready when the stick stands up straight in the pot. I could go on, but this is making me hungry and I haven't yet eaten my 7th meal of the day.
I have sent a job description to a friend at FAU and he is going to distribute it amongst a few faculties. Will I actually go through with this and have someone working for me? I'm not working for me these days. It is too much to think about.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
actually on u-tube
Yesterday, my friend Avi D, from Israel 'phoned and told me about a video that he and a few others of my old gang made. Here is the link.
I have some great 'photos to add to my blog, but still don't know how. I'll eventually get them up.
I have some great 'photos to add to my blog, but still don't know how. I'll eventually get them up.
Sunday, March 4th
Days fly bye and very little is accomplished. I have started what amounts to almost a normal routine ie getting up early, busy all day - doing what??? - and fairly late to bed.
My idea of getting rich has not got off the ground yet. Since I have yet to get back into my work, that comes as no surprise. I think I need to splurge on someone who is a marketing and computer genius. I have never hired anyone and have no idea how to go about doing it - from the advertising of the job, to the interview and choosing. Then, how does one pay people? It is all so daunting.
Yesterday, Reuven and I went off to look for balatot (tiles) to match our existing floor. We don't have enough to cover a potential bald patch if we ever get around to removing a small wall that I hate in my bedroom. We schlepped all over Pompano Beach, which is, apparrently The tile place of South Florida. Every strip mall has at least 6 floor covering and bathroom shops and there are huge parks devoted entirely to the variations of what you would put under your feet and carpets. Since we did our floor about 11 years ago, we were laughed out of almost every place we went to. "But you might get lucky" was the continual refrain. Clearly, Reuven has not spent enough time with salesmen, as he seemed to believe this wishful thinking. Eventually, after hours and hours, I had had enough and insisted we move on. When we got home, a desperately inspired Reuven found part of a box, no more than a tiny strip, from the original tiles. It was enough! Within 2 minutes I had found the tiles on the internet.
Last night, I wore my wig for the first time. It definately looks different when I pull it on, to how the lady in the wig-shop arranged it, but there was no time and no alternative as it turns out that finding suitable shmattes is not so easy. They do not make square, scarves any longer. We were late. So, we rushed off to the Cheesecake Factory at Sawgrass, where we had arranged to meet friends for dinner.
I was embarrassed by the oohs and aahs. What does this say about the way I normally look? Do they realise that this is a cheap, synthetic wig and if that makes me look so much better, exactly how bad is it better from?
Guy is home for his spring break. Clearly disgusted with me for telling him not to stick any posters on his walls. I hope to go out with him for dinner soon as he arrived very late Friday night after I'd fallen asleep. We had a little chat, but since then, I've not had a good chance to talk to my boy. Actually, I'd rather just give him a huge squeeze sometimes.
Does anyone know how to and how to explain how to, download 'photos from an iphone to a computer? A specific place in a computer? I want to download RR's 'photos, some of which I will add to the blog. Since Lee refuses to cooperate, I am now typing the blog directly onto the computer. Will she soften? I think I am to remain punished for eternity.
My idea of getting rich has not got off the ground yet. Since I have yet to get back into my work, that comes as no surprise. I think I need to splurge on someone who is a marketing and computer genius. I have never hired anyone and have no idea how to go about doing it - from the advertising of the job, to the interview and choosing. Then, how does one pay people? It is all so daunting.
Yesterday, Reuven and I went off to look for balatot (tiles) to match our existing floor. We don't have enough to cover a potential bald patch if we ever get around to removing a small wall that I hate in my bedroom. We schlepped all over Pompano Beach, which is, apparrently The tile place of South Florida. Every strip mall has at least 6 floor covering and bathroom shops and there are huge parks devoted entirely to the variations of what you would put under your feet and carpets. Since we did our floor about 11 years ago, we were laughed out of almost every place we went to. "But you might get lucky" was the continual refrain. Clearly, Reuven has not spent enough time with salesmen, as he seemed to believe this wishful thinking. Eventually, after hours and hours, I had had enough and insisted we move on. When we got home, a desperately inspired Reuven found part of a box, no more than a tiny strip, from the original tiles. It was enough! Within 2 minutes I had found the tiles on the internet.
Last night, I wore my wig for the first time. It definately looks different when I pull it on, to how the lady in the wig-shop arranged it, but there was no time and no alternative as it turns out that finding suitable shmattes is not so easy. They do not make square, scarves any longer. We were late. So, we rushed off to the Cheesecake Factory at Sawgrass, where we had arranged to meet friends for dinner.
I was embarrassed by the oohs and aahs. What does this say about the way I normally look? Do they realise that this is a cheap, synthetic wig and if that makes me look so much better, exactly how bad is it better from?
Guy is home for his spring break. Clearly disgusted with me for telling him not to stick any posters on his walls. I hope to go out with him for dinner soon as he arrived very late Friday night after I'd fallen asleep. We had a little chat, but since then, I've not had a good chance to talk to my boy. Actually, I'd rather just give him a huge squeeze sometimes.
Does anyone know how to and how to explain how to, download 'photos from an iphone to a computer? A specific place in a computer? I want to download RR's 'photos, some of which I will add to the blog. Since Lee refuses to cooperate, I am now typing the blog directly onto the computer. Will she soften? I think I am to remain punished for eternity.
From Last week:
Written during late February:
-----------------------------------
Blame it all on Lee: The reason I'm not caught up on my blog. Beloved daughter got enthralled by a book that could only be read on my iPad. So, my pink beauty (we have a pink rubber cover to protect this marvel of technology. It is the first pink anything I can think of owning. Am I getting girly now that I'm about to loose my breasts?). Anyway, back to forking out blame illogically: it was Her.
I have no idea how much I wrote about last week. It was a Big Bang week, which means " the big chemo". Actually, it went better because I took enough meds to get through the nausea issue unscathed. Still tired/lazy enough to spend Thurs and Friday in bed. Poor Nancy. The highlight of her day was taking Jimmi Hendrix for a walk. Needless to say, she met more people in the space of a few days than I have in 12 years of living here.
Friday night:
--------------
We had friends from Miami for supper, Adam came home about midnight and Nancy left at 4am. I hate goodbyes, so will not dwell on that.
I have the most hilarious mail from Myra (aunty, for those not in the know).
First, a large envelope arrived address in her beautiful hand printing to:
Master Jimmi Hendrix. A few days later, a large parcel with a bright pink bell inside. In case anyone I know is pleb enough not to realise that one rings the bell for service - possibly a South African thing of the past, but I am sure still practiced in fancier realms than the one I have inhabited since leaving childhood. Reuven, this is a joke.
Reuven is highly insulted because I made a comment about his nutritional expertise / interest. I hope everyone realises that my fingers write this blog and it has nothing to do with thoughts or my brain, which is quite empty anyway.
I am thoroughly enjoying wearing a doek / shmatte on my head. I always wanted to wear a scarf head covering, but it has so many associations at least and would give the appearance of an inappropriate attitude. But now, I can indulge my whims. I don't know whether the wig will ever get off it's stand.
Did part o the Silva course on Sat and Sunday. I am a firm believer in it'sefficacy. Anyone who wants to know about it can ask me, but I won't bore any other potential readers of my blog.
That is a surprise in itself ie that there is anyone out there ready and willing to type in brendaginsberg.blogspot.com Wow!!! It's a lot of letters. Thank you.
There is a virus / tummy bug going around. If anyone is nauseous, it ain't from what you ate, nor your birth-controle pills. Take Imodium if it gets bad and avoid milk products for a day or so. I have a question: when they say "dairy", do they mean milk products only or, eggs too??
Had a lovely walk in the Japanese Morikami Gardens with my cousin, Melany, who is visiting her parents in Palm Beach. The wearther was perfect considering that this is Florida. The paths are sensibly and subtly laid out with lots of shade, so that you don't faint as soon as you leave the a/c. Magnificent bonsai trees - most interestingly displayed with little plaques telling you who the artist-gardner was who created them, and, in what year. So, while they are tiny trees, they might be over 40 years old. Ther is a also a restaurant at the museum which serves beautifully presented, delicious food. Japanese-sized portions, which might be good for 99% of people, but not the large of appetite and definately not when on steroids.
For my sins, I have begun my accounting - the ultimate bane of my life. Perhaps, the idea is to be rich enough to have a full-time book-keeper. I will have to work on that.
I am going to watch a movie with a cup of ginger tea. Not chancing the dairy yet.
-----------------------------------
Blame it all on Lee: The reason I'm not caught up on my blog. Beloved daughter got enthralled by a book that could only be read on my iPad. So, my pink beauty (we have a pink rubber cover to protect this marvel of technology. It is the first pink anything I can think of owning. Am I getting girly now that I'm about to loose my breasts?). Anyway, back to forking out blame illogically: it was Her.
I have no idea how much I wrote about last week. It was a Big Bang week, which means " the big chemo". Actually, it went better because I took enough meds to get through the nausea issue unscathed. Still tired/lazy enough to spend Thurs and Friday in bed. Poor Nancy. The highlight of her day was taking Jimmi Hendrix for a walk. Needless to say, she met more people in the space of a few days than I have in 12 years of living here.
Friday night:
--------------
We had friends from Miami for supper, Adam came home about midnight and Nancy left at 4am. I hate goodbyes, so will not dwell on that.
I have the most hilarious mail from Myra (aunty, for those not in the know).
First, a large envelope arrived address in her beautiful hand printing to:
Master Jimmi Hendrix. A few days later, a large parcel with a bright pink bell inside. In case anyone I know is pleb enough not to realise that one rings the bell for service - possibly a South African thing of the past, but I am sure still practiced in fancier realms than the one I have inhabited since leaving childhood. Reuven, this is a joke.
Reuven is highly insulted because I made a comment about his nutritional expertise / interest. I hope everyone realises that my fingers write this blog and it has nothing to do with thoughts or my brain, which is quite empty anyway.
I am thoroughly enjoying wearing a doek / shmatte on my head. I always wanted to wear a scarf head covering, but it has so many associations at least and would give the appearance of an inappropriate attitude. But now, I can indulge my whims. I don't know whether the wig will ever get off it's stand.
Did part o the Silva course on Sat and Sunday. I am a firm believer in it'sefficacy. Anyone who wants to know about it can ask me, but I won't bore any other potential readers of my blog.
That is a surprise in itself ie that there is anyone out there ready and willing to type in brendaginsberg.blogspot.com Wow!!! It's a lot of letters. Thank you.
There is a virus / tummy bug going around. If anyone is nauseous, it ain't from what you ate, nor your birth-controle pills. Take Imodium if it gets bad and avoid milk products for a day or so. I have a question: when they say "dairy", do they mean milk products only or, eggs too??
Had a lovely walk in the Japanese Morikami Gardens with my cousin, Melany, who is visiting her parents in Palm Beach. The wearther was perfect considering that this is Florida. The paths are sensibly and subtly laid out with lots of shade, so that you don't faint as soon as you leave the a/c. Magnificent bonsai trees - most interestingly displayed with little plaques telling you who the artist-gardner was who created them, and, in what year. So, while they are tiny trees, they might be over 40 years old. Ther is a also a restaurant at the museum which serves beautifully presented, delicious food. Japanese-sized portions, which might be good for 99% of people, but not the large of appetite and definately not when on steroids.
For my sins, I have begun my accounting - the ultimate bane of my life. Perhaps, the idea is to be rich enough to have a full-time book-keeper. I will have to work on that.
I am going to watch a movie with a cup of ginger tea. Not chancing the dairy yet.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
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