some dilemmas

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my wonderful oncologist, Dr B. I did have some questions relating to aggressive, stage IV cancer, but what was uppermost on our minds was the matter of my bathroom scale reaching apexes not dreamed of to date. I was hoping for a verdict of 'it's the steroids', but no: I was told that it has to do with my age and how much I eat.  Horror!!  Does anyone out there think I should change doctors (no - not even in a joke), but what should I do??? There is no answer that I want to hear: the d..t word is not part of my lexicon and the alternative of being told that in my condition it's good to put on weight is beneath discussion. Really! Does being a fat cancer patient feel nicer than being a thin one? What about my clothes: I can't fit into anything - in fact my jeans are doing the splits at a number of strategic locations. Should people with cancer buy new clothes? After all, we don't know what the future holds, do we?! Might never get a chance to wear them.

On that subject, ie our mortality: had a discussion with IR, who is visiting from Israel. She refuses to comtemplate the matter, being of the opinion that there is no proof of anything afterwards /greater than us and noone in their right mind should consider the topic. I asked about the majority of the world's population who Do believe in something greater than themselves, whatever they call IT, but she would not consider the possibility. So, I've not made any progress on the subject. I don't believe it's so clear-cut, especially for people who have faced their mortality, as she has not. 

I can't make up my mind whether to try to get out for a walk/run this morning. I've been awake since well before 5am, having 'phone bids from overseas, not that it was worth wasting sleep on them since the one item I really wanted went for an arm and a leg. Of course, I'm sorry not to have bought it, since it was really unusual and had every desireable quality I could ask for. But, there are limits.
I do like being out early, with the birds to keep my company. I love to listen to them chattering in their different voices, especially when the weather is good and cool, and before my huffing and puffing drowns out the rest of the world. Maybe I'll wake up poor JH, who missed yesterday and often looks so desperate to get out of the house for a good airing.